In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
