He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
