well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
50% drunk capacity currently
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
