highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize