...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is Oprah even human
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
