Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
