if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
