Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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