i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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