I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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