I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
