Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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