just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize