if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
