so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
