The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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