Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
