Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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