wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
