If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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