I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
