I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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