When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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