bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
