I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this boner is exhausting
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize