despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
