And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
