We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
