If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize