oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
