I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
