and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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