I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
