we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
