Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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