i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
