I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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