Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we should paint friendship bongs
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
