i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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