I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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