I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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