...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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