Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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