she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
