he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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