I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
