so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
