How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
