Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
