He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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