Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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