she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
