Is it normal to miss your booty call?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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