It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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