I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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