dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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