My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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