My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
