Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
