Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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