we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
