I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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