We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
