Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize