She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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