she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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