I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize