My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
