look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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