I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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