I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We need to get me chipped asap
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize