I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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