As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I checked into jail on foursquare
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
