who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
