we made out on top of his cat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
