the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just want to make out with him forever
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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