Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
