i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
