I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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