He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
how does that bad decision feel?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
