between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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