I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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