allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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