I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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