I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
