and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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