ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
