Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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