All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize