So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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