I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
