oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize