Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize