I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize