I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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