dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
