You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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