i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
